Why Is It Always Me?
by thatBookNerd
Summary: Harry must wonder sometimes why things can never stay positive. These are his thoughts after he returns Sirius dies and he talks to Dumbledore.One-shot. I hope you like it!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, despite my many wishes, J.K Rowling does. But I do own this idea about Harry's thoughts after Sirius died. I thought that Harry must wonder why the bad things always happen to him. I hope you like it.

Why is it always me?

Why is it always my fault, my loss, MY responsibility?

I just don't understand why it's always me. I've done nothing my entire life except be a slave to someone else. A tool to be summoned when needed. I've spent all my time focusing on impossible expectations to be giving disappointment and pain in return for my hard work.

I remember the day Hagrid rescued me from the devils named Dursley. I had hope that day for a better life, instead I was given a life that I had imagined in my worst nightmares. For 11 years I woke up sweating from dreams of a world in which magic tricks were demented and used to suck joy and peace out of every corner of the world. My only relief came from waking up to find the bars thoroughly secured on my prison cell at the Dursleys. When he told me about this wizard school and my unknown magic, I was thrilled and excited. I foolishly thought that after a lifetime in hell, something good would happen to me to set me free. But I was VERY wrong. Instead it opened up not only to unimaginable expectations and pre-set paths on which I risk my life for the ungrateful, unhelpful, disgraceful chickens that were unfortunately given magic to use foolishly.

I should have known before now that people would want the impossible from me. I should known my life would only get worst. After all, if you start your life badly it all goes downhill. The thing is, I didn't cause this bad start, I didn't ask for this uniqueness. I don't want this fame and responsibility. I should of known before now that something like this would happen. Why did i dement myself to believe I could keep something important to me safe. Last year, I was dying to be apart of the wizarding world, now all I really want is to go home.

All I really want is to crawl back in my cage. I want to go back to the invisibility I had at the Dursleys'. I want to go back to the abuse and neglect I received on a daily basis. I want to hear Aunt Petunia constantly remind me how worthless and unimportant I am.

But no, that will never happen because that would make me happy. And everyone knows what horrid things would happen if I, whose suffered endlessly, was happy. Trolls, three-headed dogs, basilisks and dragons wouldn't be handed their meals, with the unfortunate result of missing it by the skin on my teeth.

Dumbledore. I find it strangely mysterious at how many times he's missed vital live or die moments that happen right under his nose. Isn't he supposed to be the greatest existing wizard? That's what I was led to believe. And up until now I have fought powerful possible (maybe) allies for defending Dumbledore. While he continuously watches me struggle to survive. I find it strange that he left the night, Pro. Quarrel got pass all the obstacles. I find it strange that he couldn't guess what the creature in the chamber was or at least who was doing the attacks. How hard could it have been for him to catch a delusional first year putting death threats on the wall…? I think if he was as powerful as he lets people believe he could have persuaded the idiotic Minster of Magic that Sirius was innocent.

But that doesn't matter. None of it actually did. I think it was his expectation all along for me to suffer through endless misery. He never cared about Sirius, the only reason he helped us was because fate told him to protect any friend of mine until I could personally watch them suffer and die.

I think Dumbledore plans these things to make sure I feel guilty enough to come welcome more torture, more pain, more …losses. Every year I fall right into his trap. It was quite brilliant of Voldemort to use our little "connection" against me. After all I was naïve enough to think that I would get what I so desperately want. Something that I should have given up on years and years ago, something that was made very clear to me while living with the Dursleys. He knew that I wanted a family; he knew that Sirius was a little piece of my dad and I desperately treasured him because of that. He knew I would do anything to maintain that feeling of family. I don't know why I thought I could keep it.

I've decided that he only wants me dead because I threaten the stabilty he worked so hard to achieve. After all, at times when life was threatened I seeked advice and destroyed the threat. I am his threat.

Therefore, Voldemort is not my enemy, the world is. I want to know why?

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